Pandora's Box of Disappointment

           This past weekend I traveled to Burnet, TX (just north of San Antonio) to run in the inaugural Pandora’s Box of Rox trail marathon.  It is the newest addition to Joe Prusaitis’ arsenal of awesome trail runs.  If Joe is in charge, you can count on a top-notch race on (usually) technical terrain.  Having run 50 miles at Zane Grey 2 weeks prior, I wasn’t looking to set any personal records, just get in some miles on a course I had never seen.  The Rockhoppers would be there in full force, many running and others volunteering at aid stations.  Chris and I led a caravan of Rockhoppers up to Troy’s lake house on Friday evening.  Troy and Kerry were gracious enough to let us (nearly 20 people total) crash at their house. 

            After too little sleep (we stayed up late telling stories and laughing), we piled into our cars and made the 45 minute drive from Troy’s house to the park.  At 7AM sharp, Joe sent us out for the first of 2 loops (13.1 miles each).  I felt good and settled into a comfortable pace.  The first thing I noticed was the humidity.  Despite the cloud cover, I was dripping in sweat within minutes, and soon my shoes had that unmistakable squishy sound.  While not overly technical (compared to Government Canyon or Bandera), the course had enough rocks to keep you honest (lots of people would fall throughout the day).  There weren’t any major climbs, but the constantly changing terrain and relentlessly rolling nature of the trail made it difficult to establish any sort of rhythm.  It was great to see Chris, Tim, and Ellen at the second aid station.  When Chris asked me what I thought about the course so far, all I could mutter was, “It’s really humid”.  It was around this point that I stopped having fun and started thinking about all the negative things going on.  Lalo (or was it Kilian) passed me, followed later by his wife Amanda (he took 3^rd and Amanda won the half marathon).  The more I ran, the worse I felt.  My legs didn’t hurt, but my mind was a million miles away.  Running has always been an escape for me, but on this day there was no escape.  By mile 9, I was done.  I could have finished the race, but I had no desire to continue.  I made up my mind then to drop after the first loop. 

            As I look back on my race, I am frustrated and disappointed in myself for not sticking it out.  I could have walked the final loop and still finished with a respectable placing.  I gave up mentally.  That’s not like me, but it happened.  I’m not sure how, but I need to find the joy in running again.  It’s not there for me right now, and that is frustrating as well.   Congrats to all the folks who did tough it out on Saturday.  The Rockhoppers had a great showing, taking home lots of hardware.  I am constantly reminded what a great group of friends I have.